Ill
by HR always live on
Summary: Ruth hasnt been feeling well for weeks and Harry tries to take care of her. More to it than that and hopefully more interesting...
1. Chapter 1

_The medical facts in this story are mostly true (based on something that happened to my mother) however, here and there I have taken several liberties but I hope it still reads ok. Enjoy!_

Ruth woke up feeling God awful. She turned over and squinted at Harry who was still asleep. Which when she glanced at the clock and saw that is was five a.m. she wasn't surprised. She fidgeted and sat up slowly, her breath coming in shallow gasps as her stomach turned over. She was so tired of feeling ill. Every morning for three weeks she had woken up like this as well as not being able to sleep through the night. Her moving had disturbed Harry and she sighed, not wanting to wake him but knowing he wouldn't fall back to sleep now.

"How are you feeling?" he asked hoarsely.

"No better," she said as his arm curled around her back and pulled her closer. In spite of feeling like hell she managed to smile as she wrapped herself into Harry's chest. She felt so safe when she was being held by him. He kissed the top of her head sleepily. "Go back to sleep," she told him.

"Mm," he murmured. "Wake me if you need anything."

"Okay," she replied as he drifted back off. She watched him sleep for the next two hours in peace and quiet. She loved looking at him, he looked so much more relaxed in sleep. At seven she woke him when a fit of coughing took her. "Sorry," she told him as he kissed her briefly.

"Promise me you'll go to the doctors today," he told her.

"Yeah, of course I will," she said. She had been a few days ago but the pills she'd been given hadn't helped her at all.

"I can come with you if you want…" Harry said. She shook her head.

"No. I'll be fine," Ruth assured him. "Anyway you're needed on the grid. Especially with your senior analyst out sick."

"I know," he said. "Just thought I'd offer."

"I love you," she said quietly. Harry didn't reply with words. He kissed her soft and slow and with great feeling, brushing her hair with his fingers gently.

"Call me if you need me," he told her.

"I will," she reassured him as he got up. She closed her eyes and felt a brief kiss on her hair before Harry left her. As soon as she was alone she got dressed as quickly as her ill body would allow her to. She was terrified of what her doctor was going to tell her. She had been hiding from Harry how serious they seemed to think… whatever she had was. She had taken so many tests the last time she had been there and the results were in today. She didn't like lying to Harry but she didn't want to worry him before it was necessary.

Ruth picked up her mobile and called for a taxi. She didn't feel well enough to be able to drive. She tapped her fingers irritatingly. She was not looking forward to this. She felt another coughing fit and winced as she felt her breathing becoming painful. She looked at her hand and swallowed uncomfortably. She'd coughed up blood. This was not good. She stayed sitting on her bed until she heard a car beep outside. Her taxi was here.

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><p><em>Please review!<em>


	2. Chapter 2

Ruth sat in front of her doctors desk feeling nervous. The doctor was being worryingly quiet so Ruth decided to break the silence.

"Look, I've been lying to my husband about these tests all week and I am about sixty seconds from losing my mind. I need you to tell me the results before I go completely insane. I've been coughing up blood so I know that something serious is wrong. Can you just tell me please?"

"Okay, well the test results are back and it shows that you have stage two lung cancer."

"You're joking right?" Ruth said blankly. The look on her doctors face made it clear that she was serious. No, I'm sorry, you must have got your results mixed with someone else."

"I know this is a shock and I'm really sorry I don't have better news." Ruth started laughing hysterically. "I can't have lung cancer. I can't. I am forty one years old. I take good care of myself. I have never smoked a cigarette in my entire life and you're telling me I have lung cancer? That's just…" her voice faded away. "You know what? That's just the way my luck goes. Waited eight years to be with the man I love and two months later I'm diagnosed with lung cancer. Perfect."

"You do still have treatment options…" the doctor continued but Ruth tuned out. She was still reeling from the bomb shell that had been dropped. She was still listening but in a rather detached way. She was going to have to tell Harry. Oh God. Ruth cut the doctor off and asked in a blunt voice.

"Tell me the truth," Ruth said. "Just be honest with me. What are my chances? Am I… Am I going to die?"

The doctor sighed. "If you chose not to have surgery or chemo treatment, you'll have roughly five months. With all the medical treatment we can give you, you might not survive anyway but you'll most likely have at least a year."

"If… I chose to have the treatment, what are my chances of survival?" Ruth asked looking at her hands. She couldn't face the friendly doctors face.

"You have about twenty five percent chance of survival." There was a very full silence.

"I'm going home," Ruth said blankly. "I'll be in touch." Ruth walked out of the doctors surgery in a daze. She felt the urge to cough but she fought it down. As if, if she didn't cough, her lung cancer would simply vanish.

When she got home she stared around her kitchen feeling empty, bewildered and horrified. She caught a blink of her reflection in the window and something inside her snapped. She screamed and flung the glasses and plates that were on the kitchen side onto the floor, sending broken shards of crockery everywhere. By the time her anger had burnt out her face was wet with tears she hadn't realised she had shed and her entire kitchen floor was covered with broken glass. Her shoes crunched on the floor as she pulled out a chair and collapsed onto it. She knew she should be thinking of herself but only one thought seemed to be running through her head. How was she going to tell Harry?

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><p><em>I know I am being really mean and I'm sorry! Even so can you please review?<em>


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Harry got home the kitchen floor was spotless but Ruth was still sitting where she had collapsed after the news her doctor had given her. She was staring at the wood grain of her table as Harry sat next to her.

"Did everything go okay?" he asked. "You didn't call and I got worried."

"Er…No. Not really," she said not looking at him. She hadn't been able to bring herself to call him. She knew if she had heard his voice she'd fall apart. "It's… serious."

"Okay," Harry said holding her hand tightly. "How bad is serious?" For the first time since he came home she looked into his eyes.

"My test results came back today and there is a reason I've been feeling like hell. I've got lung cancer."

"What?" Harry said with an incredulous smile on his face. "That's impossible." The look on Ruth's face made it clear she wasn't joking. Ruth looked away from him as she made an admission to him.

"I've been coughing up blood every now and again and I've been hiding it from you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry until we knew what was wrong with me."

"How could you not tell me that?" Harry asked in a menacing voice. "I deserve to know."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ruth blinked several times to try and keep the tears at bay.

"Okay, so lung cancer," Harry said, trying to comprehend it and stay calm at the same time. "So what treatments can we do for you?"

"I can have chemotherapy to try and kill the cancer or surgery," Ruth said slowly. "But neither is guaranteed to be successful. Or I could simply not bother to have any treatment at all."

"Ruth, you can't do that," Harry said fighting off the panic.

"If I have the treatment, I get a year more of life when I feel ten times worse than I do right now. If I don't, I live for maybe six months feeling like this." She closed her eyes and then continued. She didn't want to look at him. "My aunt died from lung cancer years ago and I know how much pain she was in from her chemotherapy. From having poison running through her body. She was a heavy smoker though and I never thought I'd have to worry about this."

"Ruth. You _have _to give the chemotherapy a chance," Harry said. "Selfishly I can't imagine my life without you. Not after everything we've been through together. Six months is nothing, you know that. If there's a chance this will cure you, you have to take it. I want you with me for the rest of my life. I'm older than you, it sh… It should be me who goes first."

"I'm going to think about it," she said slowly. "I haven't made any decisions yet." Ruth bit her lip as she told him something else. "I've broken your mothers crystal vase. I was upset. I'm sorry."

"Forget about it," he told her. "That's the least important thing on my mind right now."

There was a silence which Ruth broke by adding something Harry hadn't even thought of. "You'll need to hire a new intelligence analyst. Whatever I decide, I won't be coming back to work for the foreseeable future."

"Yeah," Harry said, this was the least of his concerns right now. He looked at her face filled with sadness. How could his world continue to exist if Ruth wasn't in it? "Oh Ruth," he whispered sadly. He put a hand under her chin and lifted her face. He moved towards her and kissed her hard, desperation tingeing their embrace. How could this be happening to them?

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><p><em>Coming soon, Harry's reaction part two. Review please, it only takes a minute! xxx<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter even when they weren't showing up on the site. Next update..._

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><p>"Are you awake?" Harry murmured quietly.<p>

"Yes," Ruth said. "Thinking about the cancerous cells multiplying in my body."

"Ruth?"

"What?"

"Please have the treatment. Please." He turned to her his hand caressing her cheek softly. His face held such naked desperation. "Please. Maybe I'm being selfish, wanting you here for a few more months, even if you are in pain. And I know it might not help but I need you to try. If I have to let you go…" he swallowed uncomfortably. "If I have to, I will but I want to do it knowing you had every possible chance to survive. Because I don't want to live without you." Ruth paused for a minute or two before answering.

"Okay."

"What?" Harry asked surprised. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes." Ruth touched his face lightly. "Because I know that if it were you, I'd be telling you the same thing."

"Thank you," he said sincerely, kissing her firmly. "Thank you." Neither of them said a word in the darkness as Harry slowly and gently made love to her.

Ruth ended up with tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe that her dream with Harry was ending after only a few happy weeks. Her body was going to go through hell, she knew that. But if that's what Harry wanted from her, then that's what she'd give him. Because she'd do anything for him.

Harry waited until she fell asleep and got out of bed. He pulled the bedroom door closed and hurriedly went downstairs to rifle through the office. He needed to find Ruth's doctors phone number and he wasn't going to give up until he had it. An hour passed before he found it. He didn't care that it was late and he was probably going to wake doctor James up. His world was falling apart, someone could live with a few hours lost sleep.

"Yes?" a tired voice said picking up after the fifth ring.

"This is Harry Pearce, Ruth Evershed's husband and I really need to talk to you. I'm sorry its late."

"Look, I know you've had bad news but I will talk to you at a decent hour…"

"You will talk to me now," Harry said in his strictest, most menacing tone. "I need to know the details of her lung cancer. She was too distressed to tell me anything in much detail."

"I can't do that. Doctor patient confidentiality."

"What if it was your wife?" Harry said quickly. "She wants to tell me, but she can't. She can't find the words. She's the one person in the world who loves me for me. In spite of all the bad things that I've done. I waited years for her and I can't lose her now. Please tell me. " The doctor sighed and Harry could tell he had said something that had got through to him. Slowly doctor James told Harry about Ruth's illness. By the time Harry put the phone down, tears were falling down his face in the silence.

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><p><em>Please review, even if you hate it!<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_Four months later._

"How are you?" Harry asked midmorning as he entered her hospital room.

"Okay," Ruth lied with a faint smile. With effort she moved to sit up and Harry kissed her lips softly. "How's Lucy, my replacement today?" Ruth asked with barely concealed venom. She wanted to focus on something other than the pain she was currently in.

"Adequate," Harry said with a smile, sitting down next to her. "I know you don't like her."

"I'd just prefer it if she were an ugly seventy year old rather than a young and beautiful blonde who looks like a supermodel."

"Ruth…" Harry started with a smile. "Three things I know. Firstly no one could ever do your job as well as you do but you're focusing on getting better. Secondly, no one could ever replace you in my heart. No matter what happens." The sadness clouded both of their eyes for a moment. "And lastly, I love you."

"I love you too." Ruth smiled and kissed him. "I have something to tell you which you're not going to like." Harry nodded to her to continue. "I'm not having any more surgeries after today. I can't do it anymore. They can take out the cancerous cells they find today but after that I'm done."

"Ruth…"

"I can't keep having my chest ripped open every week, Harry. I'm not giving up. I'll stay on the chemotherapy."

"Okay," Harry said slowly. "I know you've been going through hell."

"Thank you."

"Please don't give up though."

"I have no intention of giving up," she said. "Anyway, after today when I'm feeling better, I want you to take me to Paris. I've always wanted to go there with you."

"Okay," Harry said with a smile. "I'll take you to Paris." Their locked glance was interrupted when a surgeon came in and said it was time. Harry kissed Ruth on the top of her hair which had thinned with the medicine she had been taking. "You die on me and I'll kill you." Ruth chuckled weakly as they wheeled her hospital bed out of her room. Harry watched her go with unbearable sadness. She was slipping away from him. And he could do nothing but watch it happen. But he would take her to Paris. That much he was sure of.

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><p>Harry spent the entire time she was in surgery sitting in her hospital room. He wanted to be there when she got back, whether she was awake or not. He couldn't focus on anything except what they were doing to Ruth at this very moment in time. Ruth, <em>his <em>Ruth was having her chest sliced open with a scalpel, her ribs on her right violently pulled away from her as they dissected her right lung and chopped out all the cancer cells they could get to. He knew it was for her own good but it still wasn't a pleasant thought. "Just hold on. Remember how stubborn you are Ruth," he said to himself repeatedly. A mantra to get him through the next few hours.

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><p><em>I know this is a horrible story but I really do appreciate all reviews anyway! Thanks to everyone who has already reviewed. xxx<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_Most of this is written so it shouldnt be too long between updates. Reviews are always appreciated..._

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><p>Ruth opened her eyes groggily. "How did it go?" she asked as Harry's voice swam into view.<p>

"You're awake," he said clearly relieved, a hand tracing her face lovingly.

"How did the surgery go?" she repeated. The silence spoke volumes. "Oh." She saw the surgeon came into her eye line and waited for the bomb to drop.

"We had a good look at your right lung and the chemotherapy isn't working. The cancerous cells have multiplied quicker than we anticipated. And this being the case we only have two options. The first being that we can remove your right lung."

"Remove it?" Ruth said bewildered, sitting up in shock. "And I can live with one lung can I?"

"Yes. As long as you don't do anything too strenuous, you'll be fine. It might give you a bit of trouble in cold weather but it is possible to manage as long as you respect your new limitations."

"Will I survive the operation?"

"It's about a thirty percent chance," the doctor said honestly. "If you wake up afterwards you'll have an excellent chance of recovery and be cancer free."

"But?" Harry asked sensing there was something that they weren't being told.

"The reason we haven't done this before is because there is a great chance that you'll die on the operating table."

"What's the other option?" Ruth asked.

"We stop treatment altogether."

"And I die," Ruth surmised. "Go away. I want to talk to my husband. Please." The surgeon nodded and left them alone.

"Oh good," Ruth said with false calm and a hint of sarcasm. "And I was worried things were going to get serious." Harry leant over her and kissed her passionately. He didn't know how many more chances he would get to kiss her like this.

"What do you think I should do?" Ruth asked holding Harry's hand tightly.

"I can't tell you what to do," he said sadly. "This has to be your decision." Ruth thought in the silence for long quiet minutes.

"Harry, take me to Paris," Ruth said. "Then I'll come back and have the surgery. We'll see what happens."

"I love you," Harry told her.

"I know you do," she replied. "Nothing else would make you visit my sickbed everyday when I look as pale as a ghost and get worse every single day."

"Don't."

"Sorry."

He moved towards her and kissed her lightly. "You really want to go to Paris?" She nodded with a happy smile he hadn't seen on her face nearly often enough. "Okay."


	7. Chapter 7

Ruth sat on the Euro star sipping her coffee as the English landscape flashed past her. "If you ask me one more time if I'm okay, I'm going to throw you off of the train as soon as we hit Calais and go to Paris alone."

Harry smiled. "Point taken." He held her hand lightly as the landscape went past. It was nice sitting in the silence together. He watched her profile and hated how the chemo had changed her. She was so much thinner than she used to be, the treatment taking away pieces of her bit by bit. He hated that. He always had loved her figure but her curves had slowly vanished over the months of chemo. She had been in a hospital bed constantly for a few weeks so he hadn't noticed just how much weight she'd lost. He prayed that it would all be worth it in the end. In four days she would be back in hospital having her right lung removed. He needed her to be here in five days time.

"What are you thinking about?" Ruth asked.

"You." He had a sad look in his eyes.

"I don't intend to die next week you know," she told him. "I'm not going to give in without a fight."

"I know you're not." He lifted a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear lovingly. Neither said a word until the train stopped in Paris.

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><p>Ruth opened the door to their hotel room and gasped. It was about twice the size of what she had expected. And there was a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket on the table. She walked over to it with a smile and looked out of the window. Their room had a perfect view of the Eiffel tower. "Oh Harry… Its beautiful. You've blown the budget haven't you?"<p>

"I think you're worth it," Harry replied, popping open the champagne and filling up both glasses. Ruth took a sip and sat down on the feather mattress, kicking her shoes off. She took another gulp and held the glass out to Harry to refill. Before she knew it she had another coughing fit. She put her fingers to her lips and they came away red with blood. She tried to hide it from Harry but it was too late. He handed her a tissue and she scrubbed her face viciously.

"I hate this," she said fiercely.

"Join the club," Harry replied with feeling.

"I never thought this was the way my life would end," she said slipping under the duvet.

"It's not," he said firmly. "It is not the way your life is going to end."

"Sometimes it feels like that though." She sighed and collapsed onto the pillows. "Oh God," she murmured.

"Hey it's okay," Harry said pulling her into his arms. "It'll all be okay. Trust me."

"You know I trust you," she said quietly. "I always did." Ruth hadn't had the energy to get undressed but she must admit she was thoroughly enjoying Harry's hands unzipping her skirt and running over her body softly as he slowly undressed her. The silence between them spread out and Ruth brought up something that had been bothering her. "I need to talk to you about the possibility of what I want for my funeral…"

"No!" he said loudly. "I will NOT contemplate that possibility. I won't do it."

"Harry…"

"No!"

"Fine," Ruth said. "I won't talk about it.

"Thank you." Harry held her in his arms until she fell asleep under the Parisian moon.


	8. Chapter 8

_A slightly longer chapter here. Hope you enjoy it…_

On the way back to London Ruth felt happy. She had had a fabulous weekend with Harry and enjoyed the time she had managed to spend with him. She had been around the Musee de Orsay and seen Notre Dame which were things she'd never had time for before. And the obligatory trip up to the top of the Eiffel Tower. She'd been before but was especially annoyed that this time she hadn't been able to climb the stairs. She didn't have the energy so she had had to use the lift. It hurt her vanity that her youth and her health had vanished, seemingly overnight. But she had enjoyed the trip with Harry.

She rubbed her wedding ring, deep in thought, unaware that Harry was watching her do it. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"You know what? Actually I am." She looked at him with a small smile. "I've spent a lot of time over the past few months so, so angry with what's happening to me. Because I can't control it, but I'm more settled now. I've come to terms with it."

"Don't give in," he said, hating the acceptance in her voice.

"I won't." She turned and kissed him passionately. She wasn't usually one for public displays of affection but there was no one around them and she had the horrible feeling that time was running out.

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><p>Ruth was lying in her hospital bed relieved that Harry hadn't been able to get away from work straight away. She needed time on her own to prepare herself for the operation that would either save her life or take it away from her completely. Last night with Harry had been awful. She closed her eyes bringing her memories back to her. He had made love to her more passionately than she could ever remember, her body practically screaming out with pleasure. When her breathing returned to normal she turned to her husband.<p>

"Harry?"

"No," he said straight away, his fingertips covering her lips firmly. He knew she was going to tell him that she loved him. He wasn't going to let her. He wasn't going to give her permission to say goodbye to him. "You're not going to tell me that. I already know and I'm not going to let you die on me. Okay?"

"I just wanted to let you know…"

"I do know," he said looking into her eyes lovingly. "Do you…?"

"I know too," she said quietly. She kissed him slowly in the darkness.

Ruth opened her eyes as her hospital room door banged shut. The horribly familiar face of her surgeon appeared. "Its time. We need to be going."

Ruth threw a glance at the clock. Harry would be here any minute. "Can we wait for a couple of minutes? My husband should be here any second."

The surgeon looked at his watch. "We can wait for fifteen minutes but not really any longer. The operating room is booked for you. Any later it will go to the next patient."

"Okay, thanks. He'll be here." Ruth was left alone but only for a minute. Harry burst through her door looking like he'd swum there. "I take it its raining," Ruth said with a wry grin.

"Yes and the only parking space was about a mile from the hospital entrance," Harry said sitting next to her. He threw his soaking coat off and then looked at Ruth. "You look pale."

"I'm a bit scared," she said quietly. "I don't want to die today."

"That makes two of us," he said before kissing the top of her head lightly.

The door opened again and an orderly came in to transport her to the operating theatre. The faceless doctor said in an empty voice, "you need to remove all your jewellery before you can go down."

"No," Ruth told him plainly. The orderly looked like no one had ever told him that before.

"You have to take off your jewellery, it's a hospital requirement."

"No." Ruth looked down at her wedding ring and her engagement ring. She didn't want to ever take them off. She felt that if she still had them on she had something tethering her to this life. She had Harry. And she needed that when she didn't exactly have the odds on her side.

"Ruth…" Harry started in a calm voice.

"No. Harry, I'm not taking them off." Her hand curled into a fist of its own accord. The orderly raised his eyebrows and left her room. He appeared back with the surgeon a few seconds later.

"There's a problem?" the surgeon asked.

"I'm not removing my wedding or my engagement ring," Ruth told him. "I'm not." The surgeon sighed and explained the hygiene reasons why she needed to remove them. He had, very occasionally, had this problem before. But he had always made the patient see sense. Not this time.

"I'm sorry, I'm not taking them off." Ruth looked at Harry whose face was caught halfway between frustration and amusement. The surgeon was quiet as he considered something.

"Fine." He handed her some industrial strength surgical quality soap. "Your hands will be sore for about two weeks but make sure they're clean okay?"

"Thank you," Ruth said beginning to rinse her hands with a small smile.

"Why are you so stubborn Ruth?" Harry asked her. She didn't bother to reply but just let her face colour into a beautiful smile. Harry couldn't resist kissing her firmly. "You take care of yourself."

"I will," Ruth said. "Goodbye Harry," she added as her hospital bed was wheeled out of her room.

"It's not goodbye," he told her. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Yes," she said but with fear clouding her usually clear blue eyes. Harry watched her go in a silent agony of pain. As soon as the door closed behind her he fell apart. He allowed the tears and the fear he had been fighting for days come to the surface. He couldn't bear it if he lost her. The surgery would take four and a half hours if everything went to plan. As it had to. It just had to.

_Please review! They make my day. xxx_


	9. Chapter 9

"How is she?" Harry asked immediately as two doctors were wheeling her down a blank and anonymous hospital corridor.

"Alive," the surgeon said. "I'll be in in a second to tell you more." Harry followed Ruth back into her room hating the fact that a tube was sticking out of her mouth and down her throat. Clearly she wasn't breathing by herself yet. Harry sat next to her and held her hand. The hand with her rings that she had refused to take off. She didn't look good, he thought to himself. Attached to so many machines made her look so small and (though he hated to admit it) so close to death.

"How is she?" Harry repeated as the doctor came in.

"Well she came through the surgery which is a good sign," he started. "She still isn't breathing on her own and we don't know how long it will be until she wakes up."

"But she will wake up?" Harry asked needing reassurance.

"There was a small complication during the operation. Her heart stopped for about a minute. We managed to get her back but there is a possibility that her brain wasn't getting oxygen for too long and she won't wake up."

"Did this happen because of a mistake you made?" Harry asked menacingly.

"No. These things just happen when the human body undergoes severe trauma."

"Good because if you botched her operation I will make your life a living hell," Harry promised. "Did you remove her right lung? Get rid of the cancer?"

"Yes we did. If she wakes up, she'll make a full recovery. If she wakes up."

"Go away," Harry said in disdainful voice. He wanted to be alone with Ruth while he still could be.

Dimitri, Beth, Lucy and Tariq were working on the grid in silence. None of them seemed to know what to say to anyone. Harry had been by Ruth's bedside for the last six days, hour upon hour. Hardly leaving even to eat or sleep. It had been too long. She had been unconscious for too long.

Beth sighed, knowing it was her turn to visit Harry and Ruth. She left the grid, hating the thought of what she was going to see when she got to the hospital.

Beth opened the door slowly. "Hi Harry," she said quietly. "How is she?"

"No change," Harry said briefly. "They've asked me… to consider… switching off her life support machine. They don't… don't think she's going to wake up." Harry was crying over Ruth's immobile body and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"Oh Harry," Beth said sadly. "I'm so sorry." She sat down next to him with a hand on his arm. "I know you don't care but everything at work is fine."

"Well at least other people aren't watching _their _loved ones die," Harry said, thinking of bombs going off in London.

"Can I do anything?" Beth asked.

"Just go," Harry said in a detached voice. "I just want to be alone with her."

"Okay Harry. Remember that she loves you," she said. She knew her presence wasn't required by him. Beth left. Five minutes later Harry started to panic. Ruth was making a small choking noise. Harry jumped up and pushed the call button. Nurses flooded the room instantly.

"She's choking!" Harry said quickly. "Please help her." Harry watched with his heart in his mouth as they disconnected the tube from her body, pulling it out of her throat. "What are you doing?" Harry shouted. "You're meant to be helping her!"

"She's fighting the tube which means she can breathe on her own," a nurse told him.

"She can breathe on her own?" Harry repeated in wonder.

"Yes she can." Soon the nurses vanished from the room and Harry inched closer to his wife's face. She looked so much better now that the medical equipment wasn't obstructing her beautiful face. His fingertips stroked her cheek gently.

"Come on," Harry murmured. "Wake up Ruth. Just open your eyes for me." The minutes turned into hours but Harry didn't move. Eventually he closed his eyes. He was so tired. He couldn't remember the last time he laid down in bed and actually slept.

"…mmph shclmph…," Ruth mumbled in gobbledygook. It was so quiet Harry wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not.

"Did you just say something?" Harry said quickly, rubbing his eyes. "Say something! Talk to me! Now! Talk!"

"S… Stop shouting at me," she whispered in a broken voice. Harry knew he had never heard anything sweeter than her hoarse whisper. He curved a hand around her face as he smiled. She was talking. She was here.

"Say something else," Harry demanded.

"I'm… thirsty."

"Okay," Harry replied smiling at her immobile form. She was talking. Actually talking. He quickly reached for a glass and poured her some water. He lifted the glass to her lips and she swallowed greedily. "Ruth, can you open your eyes? I so badly want to see them again."

Her eyelashes slowly fluttered open, her blue eyes staring at him. "How… long have I been out?"

"Nearly a week," Harry told her. The look on her face showed him how surprising that news was to her.

"You must have been going insane," she said holding his hand tightly.

"Yeah, something like that," he told her. "Your operation went well. They've removed your right lung and all the cancer has gone."

"All of it?" Ruth asked with a small smile.

"Everything," he replied. He didn't give her a chance to reply because he kissed her. Her lips were dry and cracked and she tasted of the hospital she'd been trapped in for a week but he didn't care. He kept kissing her for endless minutes which was interrupted when the door opened.

"Wow," a nameless and faceless doctor said. "You're awake."

"Is that such a shock?" Ruth asked touching her lips lightly. There was an uncomfortable silence. "What am I missing?" Ruth asked.

Harry sighed and decided to tell her. "Yesterday they asked me to consider switching your life support machines off."

"What?" Ruth hissed, horrified. "You weren't going to do it were you?"

"Not yet," he replied. "I refused to let myself think about it."

"How close was I… to dying?"

"I'm not talking about that," Harry said firmly. "I'm taking you home. Now that you're here."

"Yes," Ruth said. "I'm here." She smiled and Harry could look at that smile forever. He didn't see the shadows under her eyes or her pale, almost white skin or the shape of her collarbones showing through her thinner frame. He saw the woman he loved coming back to life. She had a second chance. And nothing was sweeter.

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><p><em>Okay I know this is a long chapter but I didnt want to split it up. At least one more update to come. Please review! xx<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for the lovely reviews! Last chapter..._

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><p>Several days later Ruth was home. She was home with Harry, cancer free and everything was right with the world. Ruth sat down on the foot of her bed feeling happy. Happy and free. Harry came in and smiled at her. "Can you pass me a glass of water and my painkillers? They're in my top draw." Harry nodded and did what she asked when Ruth remembered something. "Actually no, don't…" Harry looked at her with a confused look on his face but didn't stop moving. He opened the draw and was staring at an envelope with his name written on it in Ruth's familiar handwriting. "No. Please don't," she said quietly. He ignored her and opened up the envelope, a sheet of paper falling into his hands as he began to read.<p>

_Harry._

_I hope you never have to read this because if you do, that means I'm not around anymore. I'm sorry I can't be with you but there are things I need to say. And you won't let me talk about them with you. Anytime I mention the possibility of my dying you shut me out and won't let me speak. And I understand that, because if it were me, I'd hate to imagine my life without you but there are things I want you to know._

_Firstly, I love you so much. Even though we have only been together a short while, I want you to know that you made me happier than I thought I ever could be. You've made it possible for me to fight this illness for as long as I possibly could. I know that if you hadn't been by my side I would have given in months ago. Thank you._

_This is hard for me to write and it's going to be hard for you to read. I'd like a small funeral and (odd as it sounds) I want to be buried in that beautiful little churchyard where Ros rests. The place where you first proposed to me, where I should have said yes. We would have had an extra year together and I can't tell you how much I regret that now. Even at the time a small part of my mind knew that saying no was the wrong words. Words you never should have had to hear._

_The last thing I wanted to tell you is not to waste the rest of your life missing me and mourning for me. Move on. For me, no one has ever come close to touching my heart the way you do. I hate to say it because he deserved so much better than me, but I was only with George because I couldn't have you. You already had my heart completely, even when I thought I would never see you again. When I came back to London and I saw you again I realised that I'd been living a lie for so long. It was hard to find a way back from that, but I love you all the more for helping me and getting me there. I'm sorry I can't be with you for longer. I miss you, and I'll always love you. Just as I always have done._

_Goodbye Harry. All my love, Ruth. xxx _

He looked up from the letter feeling hollow. "You weren't meant to read that. Not now that I'm recovering," Ruth told him. "It was just in case the worst happened."

"Ruth," he said in a broken hearted whisper. He sat next to her on the bed, his hand cupping her face softly. Her blue eyes looked down. She couldn't bring herself to face him. She felt him kiss her face in the corner of her eye and looked back at him.

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry because I'm not. I needed the comfort of knowing that I could say goodbye properly. Going in and out of hospital so often." Harry nodded, understanding even if it broke his heart to read those words.

"Come here," he said in a firm voice. She listened to him and kissed him softly and slowly. In a reassuring embrace that told them that they both had all the time in the world.

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><p><em>Hope you liked. One last review would make my day. Also, I'm thinking about doing an alphabet of fluff 2 if you havent had enough after the last one! I have several letter ideas but none for A so any suggestions?<em>


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